I think i sorta joined a cult last night
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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