you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
