Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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