shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Pooping to opera.
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