just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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