I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
