He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
