New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
