My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
