Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize
