He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
