The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
