hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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