I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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