last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Randomize
