She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
Is it because I queefed?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
