I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I'm wearing a suit and have no chance of getting laid or robing a casino. I consider this opportunity a failure
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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