oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You dont lie about slip and slides
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
Randomize
