i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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