I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
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