I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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