i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Randomize