Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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