i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Randomize
