You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Randomize
