i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
