It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize