Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
My breasts were aching with rage.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
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