So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
