I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
