Sry I called you an 8
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
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