I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
