I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
