Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
