i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
