i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Randomize
