my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
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