When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
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