I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
