I think my fart just growled at me.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Randomize
