fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
