Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
