and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
