PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
We are all done wearing pants today
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
