well I can't set my house on fire every night
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
