Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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