I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
