I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
