I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
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