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this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
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