Don't you send me to vm
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I need a burrito and a hug.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Randomize
