I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Randomize
