And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
did you just send me my own nude
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
