can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
