i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
Randomize
