I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Randomize