If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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