Kareoke will never be a sober sport
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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