she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
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