i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
