apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
