I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
