yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
