I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
