Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
